Sing in Church, You Won't Regret It

I was able to have 5 hours of non-children bliss last Sunday.  No snotty noses using my person as a kleenex. No sticky fingers desecrating my already stained clothes. No head butting me in the face. No screaming, crying, coughing, whining, pouting, and the like. I will admit, it was enjoyable.

This is what I'm talkin' about folks

Little Goob not feeling well

I tried to get Mr Medic to trade staying home with sickies halfway through church, but he said "You need it more than I do" Im not sure if that was an insult or an...insult!  jk. Anyway...I knew I had to make his sacrifice to stay home worth it. To show my appreciation, I needed to be able to perform the coming week as if I'd had a weeklong vacation to the Bahamas. I needed to be patient, sweet, and pleasant.  I sat quietly asking Heavenly Father to help me do this. 

We sang the opening hymn, "Lead, Kindly, Light" and as I belted out the words (yes I actually do that when I can hold the hymnal and follow along without distraction)  the line "I love to choose and see my path; but now, lead thou me on!" pierced my heart.  

I've sung this song countless times, but never before had that line been important to me.  I sat thinking, "Am I going to be the person who makes my own choices without thought of what the Lord wants...the person who has to see what's ahead without stepping forward?  Or am I the patient, humble, and willing person who allows the Lord to direct me?"

I took some time to search the scriptures for additional support of the idea of being lead.  I came across this gem:

"And ye cannot bear (cross referenced to mean understand) all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours." -Doctrine and Covenants 78:18

 It wasn't a direct answer to my plea to be patient and more pleasant at home, although I do believe letting the Lord lead me will give me sufficient practice in being patient, but it was an answer to many situations in life right now.

Even though I do not understand the reason for all things I still need to be happy and allow the Lord to lead me on a path toward lasting joy.

I felt at peace and I can honestly say I was pretty patient, sweet, and pleasant to these fellas for 4 WHOLE DAYS...all because I sang in church ;)

My Peace I Give Unto You

Have you ever felt like you had everything figured out and then it doesn't play out at all like you intended?  Probably all the time right?  Well, that's us right now.  

This is our second go around applying for medical schools.  Last year, we couldn't understand why, with such a great MCAT score, Mr Medic only received one interview and no acceptance.  It was a heart-wrenching experience, but we've come to understand not only were we "late" applicants, and it really does make a difference when you apply, but there was obviously something else in store for us in waiting an extra year.  We haven't had that ah-ha moment yet, but we know we are supposed to be hangin' out in our cozy undergrad college town a little longer.  And like our church leader reminded us through a prayer in our behalf, "better things than you can ever imagine are in store!" 

Round 2 has been significantly different.  We've just received interview invite #5 and couldn't be more happy, except one thing.  The means my which we had planned to afford all this travel hasn't happened.  For the last two summers Mr Medic has been sent out on wildfires, but for no reason we can figure, this year is not the case...yet. *fingers still crossed...and toes, and arms, and legs, and eyes, or every other crossable appendage or body part*  Last year we had the means and nowhere to be, this year we hardly have the means and everywhere to be.  

There is no rhyme or reason to why things are panning out this way, but I have to trust that the Lord knows exactly what is going on and will take care of us if we do our part.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon) we believe in fasting on a regular basis.  Once a month we give up food or drink for 2 consecutive meals, or in other words 24 hours, and donate or offer the amount we would have spent on those meals to people in need.  It also provides opportunity to be closer to the Spirit of God and receive direction for questions you have, help in overcoming trials, and any number of other things.  

Mr Medic and I fasted together last Sunday about our financial situation and getting to interviews.  At the end of our fast we were driving to Mr Medics parents house for Sunday dinner and I decided to turn the radio on to the college's sunday program.  I couldn't hear at first, thanks to some hungry and rambunctious boys kicking our seats from the back.  I kept turning the radio louder and louder.  I was really wanting to hear what was being said, but I didn't know why.  As soon as I could hear, it was as if whoever was being broadcast from the radio was talking directly at Mr Medic and I.  Like they knew who we were, and what we had on our minds.  It turned out to be a devotional by a gentleman who was a Dr.  Every word he said went straight to my heart and gave me instant peace and comfort, so much so that tears began to flow down my cheeks.  At that moment I knew God had heard our prayers from our fast, and was telling us "I know you, I care about you, and everything will be ok"

Later this scripture came to mind:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."  -Isaiah 55: 8-9

What we think will work out best, is not always what God knows will work out best for us.  His ways are not our ways.  He often has something "higher" for us to accomplish and has a path for us to take in order to reach that higher destination.  

We are still very unsure how we will make things work, which can be terrifying if I let myself forget who is in charge.  But I've been given the peace that all will be well, and that is enough for me!

I am not ashamed

It's risky business sharing your personal thoughts and opinions. You're always liable to rub someone the wrong way.  But my previous post stated that I had some things on my mind that kept me from announcing our 2nd baby on the way, so here goes nothin'!

FERTILITY & FAMILY PLANNING 

Just as a little background, because I haven't given any info about us yet...Mr Medic and I were sealed* in the Rexburg Idaho LDS Temple on March 1, 2008.  It was one the the best moments of my life.

Within weeks of our special day and after much thought and prayer, we decided to try for a little babe.  Some may think we are crazy, or you might feel like my mother who firmly believes a couple should have at least one year together prior to children. We already knew I may have some difficulties being able to get pregnant, so why prolong the waiting when it could be a long process?  

Eventually after no luck on our own, we started basic fertility testing.  It's a weird thing waiting for test results.  It's as if you want them to find something wrong, at least that way they can try to fix it.  But when test after test comes back basically normal, you start to lose hope.  It got to the point where my OB could only do one more test before referring us to a fertility specialist.  That was a scary thought.  We couldn't help but worry about how much more that would cost.  I mean having a baby is expensive enough, to then add fertility treatments on top of that.  

We started to question our desires.  Our church teaches that we should avoid excessive debt with the exception of a few essential things, but we also believe that the commandment given to Adam and Eve to "multiply and replenish the earth" still applies to us.  We continually prayed that we would be able to bring a child into the world.  One day I wondered was I really praying for the best thing.  I mean, it wasn't like I was asking for something selfish or unreasonable.  I just wanted to do what Heavenly Father wanted me to do.  So one night instead of praying that I would get pregnant, I asked that I would accept the Lord's will, whatever it was.  

Not soon after that experience, we found out I was FINALLY pregnant.   It was again one of the greatest moments of my life. I couldn't even believe that it was actually real...that I was pregnant! 

At that point it had been over 1.5 years of trying.  I know there are people that will read this that waited MUCH longer or are STILL waiting, and that 1.5 years seems like nothing.  But I firmly believe that when a person has a sincere desire, any amount of waiting is a long time.  

In preparing for #2 we had a lot to think about. First we had to take into account some of my own health issues.  Yes, I'm super cool and was born with only one kidney, which was something I didn't find out until after having Twodles.  Maybe that lone kidney was the culprit behind me having to sport these little beauties for so long while I was pregnant...

If this isn't good birth control, I don't know what is!

Once we were more informed of my health issues, and were given the ok to try again, we assumed that it would again be a long time before I got pregnant.  So its back to the same question: do we wait the "normal" amount of time between kids to start trying, and then have a long time before we even get pregnant?  At that rate, I would be 90 before I had all 6-8 kids I think I want to have!  I was also concerned that people would think I was wrong for having children closer together, or that Twodles would miss out on precious one on one time.  We were also trying to time it right with school, health insurance, and all of that other stuff that makes paying for a baby an issue.  I have no clue why it happened the way it did this time, but I got pregnant immediately!

We weren't expecting that to happen and all of a sudden I felt unprepared!  I was excited but nervous too.  What about all the people who aren't having the same luck that I am?  Its not fair to celebrate my joys when I know others are suffering.

The point is...it's very important to be sensitive of others.  It is an emotional and heartbreaking thing to want to have children and not be able to.  At the same time we shouldn't hide our own joys.  Its important to show gratitude for our blessings, and one way to show gratitude is to be excited and happy.  A person could be as sensitive as possible about fertility, or any matter, but still offend another person.  But that person chooses to be offended.  It is possible to be happy for other people without invalidating your own sadness.  I went to many baby showers while trying to get pregnant the first time.  I was still happy for them even though it wasn't me that was getting the shower.  Was I sad that it wasn't me?  YES, but does that mean that everyone else around me has to be sad too?  NO.

Find joy in your successes and blessings, don't be afraid to verbalize your gratitude for those blessings.  And at the same time, be mindful of those around you.  Be sensitive and respectful.  You never know the silent battles another person is facing.

I am constantly learning the same lesson over and over:  my decisions are between me, Mr. Medic, and most importantly, the Lord.  I am a visual person so here's my little equation to help keep it in my thick skull.  Feel free to use my template to make your own!  hahaha  jk

   

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I know that I will do what is right for our family if I follow that equation.  Every family is different too.  One family may find they need more time as a couple before having children, or that more space in between children is essential for their sanity! Whatever the choice, it should be an educated and prayerful one. You can't go wrong that way!  Then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or believes!

Be brave, share your feelings about what I have written.  I won't hate!  We all need to hear what it is like to not be able to have babies, being scared of sharing your happiness, or the trials that come with family planning.  What have you done to overcome your hardships and turn them into strengths?

*Following this link will take you to a section titled "Our Members" In that section you will find the topic "Blessings of Temples"