While I'm being open and honest, here is one of the many other things that has been on my mind while preparing for #2:
THE "GOLDEN" AGE OF ENTITLEMENT
My amazing mother was a single parent most of my childhood and still is. She worked her tail off for years trying to provide even the basic necessities for her three children - all to her mental and physical detriment. To this day her dedication and persistence amazes me.
As much as my mom continued to work, our needs were not met. And, like many single parents she sought government assistance. I grew up on food stamps and Medicaid and I didn't know any different. I know that my mother truly did her very most to provide, and did what was necessary to care for us.
Once I was engaged, those ever important conversations of morals, values, and ideals were laid on the table. I strongly recommend to those who are engaged, or any couple for that matter, to sit down together and talk about your opinions and beliefs about a variety of topics. You may think that you and your significant other are on the same page, but you may also be very surprised! Upon doing this myself, I was not surprised or concerned, per se, but was given a new perspective on the idea of self-reliance.
We were not faced with such pertinent self-reliant decisions until I was actually pregnant with Twodles. Now the norm for my area is this: get pregnant, drive a couple minutes to the department of health and welfare, apply for Medicaid, WIC, and usually food stamps. It's not even a question really. This way of thinking is what we have come to know as "The 'Golden' Age of Entitlement." I overheard a girl once having a phone conversation in between classes that went something like this: "I'm so excited you are pregnant...I'll take you to get signed up for Medicaid!" She didn't say anything like "Do you have health insurance?" or "Have you started a new budget to be able to pay for medical bills and a baby?"
Now here's where I share what I believe. I know it may be different from what you believe, but I remind you that these are MY THOUGHTS AND WORRIES.
Mr. Medic and I made the decision that if we wanted to have children, we were going to be responsible for the cost of bringing them into the world and providing their needs throughout their life. We also feel that it would not be honest to accept certain forms of government assistance when at least one of us is perfectly capable of working to provide for our needs.
I believe that government aid, a "saving grace," is intended for unique situations including: single parent homes like my mother's, those with immense unforeseen or catastrophic medical emergencies, and those who simply cannot make ends meet "after all [they] can do." (
The Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 25:23) For instance, a couple CHOOSES to have children. They should plan, save, and budget to be prepared for the financial burden. They cannot, however, plan for the enormous unforeseen medical expenses that a less-than-healthy newborn may easily acquire. I also believe that it is dishonest to hide income by "gifting" family members your savings in order to qualify for government aid. For that matter, any act that is done with the intent to deceive is wrong.
As stated in
The Family: A Proclamation to the World :
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First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days
Saints at time of publishing of Proclamation. |
"By divine design,
fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and
are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities,
fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.
Extended families should lend support when needed."
(bold added)
First, I want to point out that it says that circumstances may necessitate a shift in responsibilities. This means that my mom, who had to work my whole life, is not condemned for doing so. Next, it states that fathers are responsible to provide the necessities of life. Finally, extended families should lend support when needed.
From this statement, along with
many others* given by Prophets and church leaders, we (as a couple) believe that it is ultimately our responsibility to take care of the needs of our children. Is this an easy task? HEAVEN'S NO!
Now here is my constant worry, the battle in my own head, while we prepare for #2...
It is so hard, that some days I just wish I could do what "everyone else" is doing and march my fanny down to the welfare office and sign up for any aid available. Then my worries would be gone! I know ALL my worries would not be gone, but imagine not having to stress about paying for medical bills, food, or most of your housing. That's a lot less worrying!
Do I REALLY want to be in debt once again from having another child, when we JUST got #1 paid off? And then to have to watch my husband work so hard to repay those debts, all while feeling like a single mother most of the time?
I begin to feel guilty for questioning our original commitment to be self-reliant. I have to fight back feelings of resentment towards others around me who "take the easier road," some who have no clue what it's like to try to stick with a commitment - a commitment that you wholeheartedly believe is God's will. I feel guilty that my husband is really the one with all the weight on his shoulders, and I'm the one complaining. I want to help him. I want to relieve that burden, and the only way that seems realistic is to do something that we chose not to do so long ago. How dare I want to turn back or give up now!
Some may feel that it is utterly impossible to have children or provide for a family while being a student on a small income, but we are living proof that IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE...dang hard...BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE!
To really explain how we do it would be a novel. So in a nutshell, here's how:
Mr. Medic, bless him, I could cry just writing about his sacrifices...goes to bed so early that I put both "my boys" to bed at the same time, just so he can wake up almost every morning between 4 and 5 a.m. to study. This enables him to receive scholarships every semester he goes to school. Then while taking classes full-time, he spends most every other waking moment working any job he can. There have been semesters when he has held three jobs at one time. Sounds fun right? Most of the time not so much. I will say that I cannot remember a single utterance about the situation being unfair coming from Mr. Medic's mouth. I usually take care of that.
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| Tired Paramedic Daddy |
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| " BYU-I Paramedic of the Year" |
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Hot Firefighter Husband
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We also live on financial aid and the occasional student loan. We choose a student loan over government assistance because we are held responsible to repay it.
The things that I personally do to help make ends meet:
1. Maintain a clean and organized home, as to provide a less stressful environment for my already over-stressed husband.
2. Keep a tight budget. (Man, that takes so much time and effort. Plus I'm not good at math!)
3.
Couponing...it really can save you a lot of money!
When all is said and done I see this face...
and get to witness sweet moments like this...
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| Twodles and Daddy looking for a lost car |
It makes everything so much more bearable and VERY worth all my struggles and moments of doubt!
DISCLAIMER: I have many acquaintances and close friends who have chosen a different way, who probably don't feel the same as I do. AND THAT'S OKAY! I just need a place to be honest. I need a place where my thoughts may be considered by others. I need a place where others can share their thoughts as well, and hopefully help me to be more sympathetic to those that have chosen to take "the easier road."
*applicable information begins around paragraph 21/22 and on.
