For the majority of my life I've felt fat. I mean what girl or woman hasn't at least once in their life. Now whether this complex is a product of our society/media, or the environment we grow up in is a different topic all together.
Despite my feeling less than "perfect" I really never did anything about it. I never dieted or obsessively exercised...ok I NEVER exercised! It didn't help that I was probably the most ridiculously clumsy person in P.E. class, and was almost always destined to be picked last for teams.
We played indoor whiffle-ball a lot because of the constant rain in Oregon. In four years I never made it to first base! NOT ONCE! My partner in crime and I, ironically calling ourselves the "Terminators" pretty much had to flirt our way through P.E. class. We probably owe our passing grade to Mr. Dickover (that's his name, no lie) the student teacher, who just so happened to look like the Ken Doll.
As I prepared to go to college I weighed just about 100 lbs. I look back at pictures now, and almost get grossed out at how skinny I was. I was completely blinded back then, from seeing what I can in pictures now. What I wouldn't give to look even just a smidge similar to that now!
So, I know everyone has heard of the infamous "Freshman Fifteen" I know EXACTLY how that happens. It all starts with a midnight curfew, and a "mandatory" roommate get-together for the nightly de-brief on the days events. But, it's not like you can all sit around and talk about the cute Daniel Radcliffe look alike you so cleverly gave the code name "HP" without having something to eat. That would be BLASPHEMOUS! Then lets suppose that you head to the fridge for some deliciously healthy and oh so rabbit-like celery or carrot sticks...FORGET IT! This is what really ends up happening: you toss a much more appealing pan of decedent oooey gooey chocolate brownies in the oven, continue to talk and gossip, pull them out of the oven, coat them with layers of chocolate frosting and peanut butter, and then devour the ENTIRE pan at 2 a.m. THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENS!
Needless to say, I started to gain some weight, and didn't allow my ever important roommate bonding routine to give way to an even more important exercise routine. I went on a few previously mentioned
kicks, but never anything serious. One semester all my roommates decided to "train" for a 5k. I wasn't that hardcore! But I did foolishly decide the night of to run the 5k with them. Biggest mistake ever! I finished the run, but decided after that grueling experience on a different approach for "dealing" with by body. I came up with my very own catchy slogan: "my gut is bigger than my butt!" I pranced around the apartment chanting it louder than the "Shut-Up" song we blared on repeat all day long. It was as if I was trying to wear that gut proud...as if to own it! But I was really just making a joke of myself to skirt a sensitive subject!
Later, when I'd been at BYU-I probably 2 years, a couple of my roommates and I got this BRILLIANT idea that we would enroll in "Military Physical Fitness." We just knew we would be rockin' some ripped babe-a-licious bodies, right in time for bathing suit season. We started talking it up, bragging to EVERYONE within earshot just how hardcore we were. Oh, and did I mention that the class was scheduled for 7:30 a.m.
Now, how we thought we could keep up with our nightly de-brief or "story-time" as we dubbed it, and still wake up for this class, I DON'T KNOW! So the first day of class rolls around and we get there LATE! Imagine that! We peek through the window and see everyone standing at attention...you know military style, while some buff dude walks around talking to the class all intimidating like.
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| It was EXACTLY like this...gun and all! |
HOW COULD ALL 4 OF US WALK IN LATE NOW?!?!?! We would get our faces ripped off in front of the whole class. No one would ever take us seriously. So what did we do? The only logical thing we knew...we went home and dropped that sucka' like a hot rock!
At some point, I got a LITTLE more responsible about my physical health. I worked out occasionally which was better than nothing, and also utilized some awesome free products from my
place of employment . By the time I left for an 18-month service mission for my church, I was at a healthy 120 lbs. But for anyone who's served a mission, you know how that goes. My weight yo-yo'd up and down, reaching an all time high to that point. I promised myself I would not come home a frumpy unattractive mess. I don't know exactly what I did then, but I was able to come home looking decent...thank goodness!
Then you know the deal, I got married, did some school, got a bit more lazy, and hit a record high in the lbs department, weighing more than my husband. I did some research and found a diet called
"Eat Right for Your Type" that I thought could be worth trying. I did the diet without exercise, and it worked. I lost some weight. It wasn't my target weight mind you, but I still felt a lot better. Then I finally got pregnant after trying for almost 2 years. I started out pregnancy #1 overweight at 148 lbs. and only 5' 2". I didn't gain a ton during pregnancy, but I think the day I was induced I weighed 174 lbs.
Post baby body is a NIGHTMARE...I didn't like the way my body was, but I lacked motivation to REALLY do something about it. I've never been completely serious about taking control of my physical image or health. I knew I needed to make a lifestyle change. Not just some temporary "get skinny quick" thing, and then right back to my normal bad habits. I would be doing the yo-yo thing my whole life!
THE SOLUTION
I believe that we can communicate with God through
prayer, and that not only does he listen and care, He answers our prayers. Maybe not always in the way we would think, but He does answer. I decided I should take my dilemma to God. I didn't know whether I should ask for motivation, or a desire to change, or what. So I just verbalized a need for help to get started.
One day I got a Student Update email asking for participants in the schools version of "Biggest Loser." I decided this may be my answer. I applied knowing that personal accountability to a program would be very motivating. I don't like letting people down, so how could I not fulfill my commitments to the program? That would be humiliating! I was accepted into the program in January last year, and that experience honestly changed my life. The program started mid January
and I weighed 163 lbs. and no I hadn't gotten taller to compensate for that girth either! We were put into teams, given trainers that we worked out with on a daily basis, and nutritionist we met with once a week.
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| Blue Team, minus one trainer, and one teammate+ an extra cheerleader! |
I learned a lot during that time. I learned proper technique while using exercise equipment and building stamina for a more rigorous workout. I learned how to make better food choices and portion control. I learned that in most situations I didn't need another person to be accountable to, although that helped. I only needed to be accountable to MYLSEF! I learned that I was a better mother when I was healthy and fit. I could get down on the floor with Twodles and play with him without getting winded or being out of energy. I learned I was a better wife. When a person feels a certain way (hot, sexy, healthy, pretty etc) they start acting that way. And that is much more attractive to a man (in this case Mr. Medic) than someone who constantly points out the negative in themselves and subsequently acts that way! I learned, as in so many other instances, that I CAN DO HARD THINGS! I learned that if I, Miss "exercising-is-for-the-birds-I'm-so-not-into-that"
can lose weight, anyone can! And I wanted to be a source of motivation to those around me.
So I bet by now your wondering what did this woman look like, so alas...
I went from this: (weighing 163 lbs) To this: (weighing 125 lbs on 6/18)
During this process I had some people question me with having an eating disorder, which was not the case. I mean, who would believe that good ol' portion control, maintaining a proper calorie intake, and exercise could really do the trick, when society promotes the "get skinny quick" crap!
THE SETBACK
Here I am pregnant with #2 and all of a sudden the scale starts going up! I have had such a hard time accepting this. I know that it is healthy and natural to gain weight within reason while pregnant, but I have worked so hard for so long to see the scale go DOWN and then stay steady, rather than go UP! To top it off, I wasn't telling anyone I was pregnant, but I was getting a pooch. How do you explain that? I'm sure people were assuming I must have "fallen off the wagon."
How do I re-train my brain from "kick it into high gear, and get rid of that
chicken fat"
(my grandparents had this record growing up and we loved it!) to "accept your body for what it is" when the scale keeps going up? How do I refrain from eating Taco Bell, which is just about the only thing that sounds somewhat edible, when I know the choices I SHOULD be making?
I'm learning to find balance to a way of life that is good and healthy, while still allowing exceptions to my situation without beating myself up for it. I'm learning to not use the "pregnant card" as an excuse to eat anything and everything. I'm learning to keep getting off my duff, to fight the dread of the gym, and keep on running!
THE SUGGESTIONS
Whether pregnant or not, mother or not, woman or not (I think men's opinions can be most insightful) Everyone has good ideas!
How do you keep from getting caught up in societies body image expectations? What are you doing to keep that expectation from influencing your children negatively? What do you do to keep from feeling guilty when you slack? What are your suggestions for getting back on track? What are some tips for staying active while still adapting to your current situation?
