Fashion Police for Romance Sake

Mr Medic is so lucky to have me to keep an eye out for him!

I have saved him from several fashion emergencies in five years of marriage.

I appreciate that he is thrifty and wants to wear something into the ground before throwing it out, but occasionally the phrase "out with the old, and in with the new" just has to be enforced.  You can all thank me for a job well done.

Here are just a two upgrades:

There are no words for the ones on the left.  May they rest in peace!
Hooray for new Chaco's on a fantastic deal

The ones on the right are the new, just in case you couldn't tell.  You better believe
he got compliments the very day he sported those new-to-him kicks!

You can call me vain, petty, or what you will.  I get it...they are just a couple pair of shoes.  Why should I care what he puts on his tootsies?

I'll tell you why I care.

I believe that if you aren't what your spouse wants to look at, they are sure to find it elsewhere.  The world is full of things that will fight for your spouses attention, and will win if we (couples) don't do our part to keep up the romance.  General attraction, along with many other things, is part of that romance...at least in my mind.

I think it is important to say/do/wear things that we know make our partner attracted to us.

Some may argue that you should love your spouse just the way they are, or that they shouldn't have to change for you to be attracted to them.  I do not agree.

If Mr Medic were to tell me that he loves when I wear the color red, you better believe I'm gonna make it a point to wear it often, even if it is not my top choice.

If it's not an absolute no, as in he's not asking me to wear a muumuu or some other ridiculous request, why wouldn't I do what I could to show him I care about his likes and want to be attractive for him?

I must admit, it has taken some time for Mr Medic to warm up to my wardrobe requests.  In fact he was quite obstinate at first. I wish I had tried communicating the "why" behind my suggestions sooner.  I'm not sure how it even came to me or when, but I finally took the time to explain to him why I suggested different clothes or accessories.  Simply put, certain styles, colors, cuts, etc appeal to me more than others.  Combine those things that appeal to me with the man that I love and I go koo-koo for cocoa puffs (aka Mr Medic)

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.  You know your husband has that one shirt you love him to wear...right?  Whether it be because it emphasizes his gorgeous blue eyes, or it reminds you of that incredible first date you went on together, there is a reason you love it.  And I bet he doesn't mind wearing it just because he knows you love it!

That doesn't seem so ridiculous now does it?

What about when you wear your "sunday best" to church.  Why is that?  Is it because you want to show the Lord that He is important to you?  Or maybe because it sets that worship experience apart from other experiences in life.

I say, why not give our partners our "I-want-to-be-attractive-to-you best" too?  It shows we are important to each other, and that we want our continued courtship to be set apart or better than anything else there is to offer.  I am not suggesting that we must always be 100% presentable and in tip-top condish, or that there is no place for the workout wear, jam-jams, or get-the-work-done-grubbies, but that we just do what we can to look smokin' hot for the person we want to spend the rest of forever with.

It's ok to want to look good to the one you love, and to want them to look good to you.

I hope I'm not alone in this.

Without getting personally graphic or embarrassing, what does your partner do/say/wear that makes them more attractive to you?  

Here's one of mine that isn't appearance related, just so you have a little evidence that I'm not completely superficial:

I am completely and utterly attracted to Mr Medic being a daddy.  I love watching him be with my boys- having fun with them, teaching them, caring for them, whatever.  I just want to grab that guy and kiss his face when I witness that.

Top L to R: Getting ready for bath time, reading a story, "holding" Goob
Bottom L to R: "nap" time, train ride with Twodles, going on a walk

"True Love" Only Takes 5 Year

Love takes work.  In our case, time and communication

I just found this post that never got published, written almost 1 year ago:

My family always tried to make a big deal over birthdays and special holidays.  Even if we had nothing, we sacrificed to get a super nice present for whomever the lucky person was.  It was a time to spoil someone who rarely received anything.   Gift giving was huge.  I don't really know why.  I mean, we understood that presents weren't everything, and it's the thought that counts.  Anyway, Mr. Medic didn't grown up that way.

Bring these two paradigms together and what do you get?  Unmet expectations!  And you can bet almost 100% of the time it's my expectations that aren't being met.  Let's take Valentine's Day for example...here's how it usually plays out:

In the fantastical oooey-gooey-chick-flick part of my mind I think to myself "self, wouldn't it be so cute and romantic if Mr Medic surprised me with gorgeous flowers and breakfast in bed...an announcement in the local paper professing his undying love...a horse drawn carriage ride through the bustling streets so everyone can gawk and be totally jealous?"  Come on, a girl can fantasize right?!  Sometimes I don't even have a specific idea in mind.  I think the surprise of anything he were to come up with that is thoughtful and caring would be amazing.  I don't want to have to spell it out for him.  I want the grand idea to come from his own genius noggin.  

I'll set these fantasies aside hoping he'll magically obtain some mind reading super power, and go about doing my best to make it a special day for him.  I heart attack his study area, concoct heart shaped food items, make a card and write a sweet love note.  (In MY defense I have been learning to tone my spending down quite a bit by finding things I can make, given the current poor-college-student lifestyle.)

Not to throw him under the bus, but from what I can recall Mr Medic hasn't done anything for the last few V Day's.  I know he loves me, and I don't need a cheesy card to tell me that, but it is nice.  (Now in HIS defense, he has learned to do very well for Christmas gift giving.  He goes all year asking for a couple bucks cash back when he does the shopping or stows away any loose change he has, and will get me something super amazing.)

So alas, I'm usually left feeling gypped, and Mr Medic feeling like a loser.  I pout, and he feels frustrated that he doesn't know what to do because nothing ever seems good enough for me.

Now here we are almost one year later-today (2-14-13):

I am proud to say that today was the best Valentines we have shared thus far.  Why? Because I got over my fantasy of Mr Medic reading my mind and told the poor boy exactly what I wanted.

A few days ago I let him know that I really wanted chocolate covered strawberries for Valentines Day. We openly acknowledged (aka communicated with each other ) the monumental event (me telling him my expectations) and how I also succumbed to not wasting my time or our money on much for him, because he doesn't really care.

Here's how the day played out because of that-

I woke up to Twodles saying "we're makin' bre-fast for ya mom!"  which was a delicious sausage egg mcmuffin...heart shaped of course.

Later, I quickly whipped up a little card for Mr Medic (thank you Pinterest) and paired it with one of his favorite candies from the grocery store.

He came home from classes and errands with 2 white roses (one from him and one from Twodles and Goob) I like to pretend I don't like flowers because they just die, but really what girl doesn't like a pretty flower?

He said he picked white because they looked cool.  I'd like to think it represents my purity!  hahaha

He also picked out the best extra dark chocolate and hand dipped some strawberries for me which we all devoured.

I am so glad that I just opened my mouth and told him what I wanted.  Instead of being crabby that my expectations weren't met, I was happy and even noticed the littlest things that make me love my forever valentine so much....

-he picked all the cheese off 3 pieces of pizza and carefully placed all the toppings back on, just so I could enjoy dinner dairy free
-took interest in the things that I enjoy, without being prompted


-he did all the dishes AND made the dessert I've been digging lately >>> (thanks Kristina, find her recipe here)


-he helped me make the day special for a few others, without complaint <<<<













I'm only regretting one thing today- that I didn't tell him what I expected or wanted a long time ago!

Love Language

My angel boy randomly said to me "I wuv you mommy!"  As far as I can recall that may have been the first time that he has said that without me telling him that I loved him first.

Tender moments like that make my heart happy and all the difficult parenting fiascos melt right out of my memory...at least for a minute!

Another type of Heartburn

I can't sleep lately...

Part of growing up usually includes friends drifting apart for one reason or another.  Its like your BFF in junior high.  The one that is attached to your hip, who you wouldn't be caught dead without, and seems to be able to finish all your sentences.  A summer breaks rolls by and all of a sudden once you get to high school you hardly talk.  If you were to ask each person what the cause was, you may not be able to get a straight answer from either.  Or maybe one could tell you exactly what it was while the other is completely clueless.  

I guess I'm still "growing up"  because this recently happened to me, and I'm the lame brain that is completely clueless as to what really caused the drift.  I'm not saying we were BFF's by any means, but the drift occurred none-the-less.  I find myself laying in bed at night wondering what on earth happened and wishing I could have known what to do different.  Early one morning, after a quick evacuation of my bladder (something that most pregnant woman do frequently) I couldn't fall back to sleep.  My mind immediately wandered to this same thing, and my heart began to burn.  But it wasn't the usual stomach acid making its way to my corroded esophagus.

Maybe I shouldn't give it another thought, I mean who really cares right?!?!?  But maybe so.  Shouldn't I be concerned that I have jaded someone so much that they don't want to associate with me anymore.  Is it not human nature to want to be liked and not hated.

Image Source

Let's say I were to treat this different kind of heartburn the same way I would the other.  Half-asleep, I would fumble around for my faithful bottle of TUMS that now resides at my bedside table.  The TUMS provides almost instant relief, but without fail the burn is back and sometimes with even greater force.  It's not a permanent fix.  So for this different heartburn, I could give myself a little dose of medicine in the form of self talk like: "I didn't do anything wrong" or "give it time, it will all blow over and be forgotten"  But who am I kidding it will still be there again to cause trouble.

So what to do?  I have apologized for what seemed to be the problem.  But even if I am not able to make amends, I can still make a change within myself.  This heartburn won't be for nothing!  It will leave its mark on my heart that will remind me to be more cautious of the effects of my actions and words.  I guess I might even say this heartburn hurts so good.  Learning to enjoy someone despite your differences and being able to communicate and understand them is an even more productive part of that "growing up" process.  

May we all have a chance to experience a little heartburn now and again to keep us growing up!