It's all about the Benjamin's

Recently a friend asked how I  decide what to spend money on especially when we have school debt.  I'm so glad they felt comfortable to ask a personal question because had they not, I wouldn't have the opportunity to reflect on the question even after I answered it.

Initially I gave one main reason.

Sharpening the saw, a phrase used in the book "7 Habits for Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey, teaches us that if we take the time to care for ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally/socially, and spiritually we will be more effective individuals.

This idea definitely dictates how I choose to spend my money.  For instance, when I know I'm at my whits end with children, housewife duties, or other responsibilities, you better believe I'm going to "invest" money in myself in one way or another so that I can jump back in head first, ready to tackle what I need to.

I see it as a form of health insurance.  It has become more common for people to need medication to function from day to day.  I'm not saying medicating is bad, it's not, I've just found other ways to function.  "Me time" is my medication.  That means I spend money to purchase craft supplies to feed my innate need to create, BUNCO prizes to participate in a monthly get together with other ladies, manicures at the local beauty school, and so on.

I always come away from "me time" feeling ready to tackle my "must do's" and seem to be more productive too.  Simply said investing money in myself makes me last longer.

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I also think that it is super easy to become so wrapped up in being frugal that I miss out on creating great relationships and memories.  It is certainly possible to spend little if any money to create memories and strengthen relationships, but occasionally doing something special that costs more than you might normally spend can be a nice thing.

Anyway, I kept thinking and thinking about how people spend their money.  It's clear that everyone does it differently.  What we think to be a perfectly legitimate purchase, one we've carefully considered and determined to be worthwhile, may be frivolous and extravagant to another person.  We all evaluate our needs and wants differently.  What we consider a "good value" might be not be to others.

There have been numerous times when friends or family don't want to do an activity or eat out where we planned because they can't afford it, but will later spend money on gas to go on trips, purchase electronics, go on shopping sprees etc.  To me, it's not always an issue "we can't afford it" but rather an issue of priority.  Like I said before, everyone spends differently, and that's ok.

Occasionally the "we can't afford it" phrase does make for an awkward moment.  In my mind, the person may as well be saying "I can't believe you are spending your money on THAT!" It makes me think I'm somehow not as frugal or wise in my spending as the other person.  I know that's not the case,  just how I perceive it...probably out of guilt ;)

I too have been that person who says "we can't afford it" but I think I may just start to say "we are saving our money for something else right now" so as to avoid unwanted awkwardness.

In the end, to each their own.  It's not my place to judge what anyone does with their hard earned money, but to live in a way that honestly represents what I believe in- frugality and self-reliance.

Its a good good life!

Mr Medic and I found out we will be welcoming another baby BOY into our family.  I'll have to admit, when the tech said it was a boy I was shocked and started to tear up, and not in a happy-feel-good kind of way.  It wasn't as if I was hoping for a girl, even though I kinda thought it might be.  I have always said it would be fun to have two boys first, but I had an instant vision of a repeat of Mr Medic and his older brother...payback style!  They were mischievous little buggers. You know the type, the ones that sabotage innocent babysitters causing them to vow never to return again.  I pictured a bleached blond, gap toothed, sly-smiling Dennis the Menace x2.  OK maybe not that bad, but close.  All the way home I kept saying "I can't believe this is happening!"

I had Mr Medic do the usual belly pictures when we got home from our appointment.  Normally, I can expect him to grumble and fuss because I make him take about 800 pictures of the EXACT SAME THING.  Then I look at them, and ask for 800 more.  I'm a little bit of a freak like that.  I try to explain to him that the "whole world" will be looking at these and picking apart every tiny detail, and unfortunately for me I don't have photoshop to make everything look "naturally" beautiful.

Guess what happened this time?  He was so sweet, he didn't complain or grumble one bit.  He even started teasing saying "work with me...strike a pose...the camera loves you!"  I found myself relaxing, getting into my ANTM groove and even having fun.  As I looked through the 8 (instead of 800) pictures I found something unusual happen.  I turned to Mr. Medic and said "Guess what babe?  I feel pretty...I even kinda like myself!"  He stared at me like I was speaking Klingon or Elvish and asked "For real?"  I replied "YES!"  He then said "I think that is the first time in 4 years of marriage you have said that.  I have tried every day to make you feel that way, and hear you say that."

21 weeks, and feelin' pretty!

We talked about how it COULD have been the fact that I splurged a little at a good sale and bought some maternity clothes.  Initially when I bought the clothes I felt proud of myself for the good deals I got, and was excited to model them for Mr. Medic.  He was excited with me and teased that he hoped the purchases went towards our deductible. But then the guilt set in!  How could I spend money on myself?  Surely I could squeeze into my other clothes, or pull out some old ones from when I weighed a lot more.  I just tried not to think about it after that.

Mr. Medic has even tried to convince me on numerous occasions that it is worth it to him for me spend some extra money to feel pretty and presentable.  I usually try to ignore him because I know it just means more work and sacrifice on his part.  I guess it could kinda be like that phrase "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"  It probably makes a man feel good when he knows his woman is happy and confident.  It's probably way more attractive too.

After the "I feel pretty" moment I realized I wasn't showing how I truly felt in a new outfit because I was to busy feeling guilty for spending the money.  I learned how important it is to verbalize how those splurges really make me feel.  It shows Mr. Medic that I appreciate his hard work.

Now I don't think it was just the clothes that made the difference.  I know that the weight loss prior to getting pregnant played a huge roll too.  But, there is more than just the outward mumbo jumbo!  I have been trying to be more productive in my day.  I make an effort to get out of the house and to the gym, but don't beat myself up when I don't make it.  I turn off the cartoons and spend precious time with Twodles reading books and laughing together.  I work hard to magnify my church duties.  I turn on the tunes and even dance around the house occasionally...I forgot what music can do for me!  I focus on being grateful for what I do have, instead of what I don't...and so much more.

Its not like our circumstances have changed.  Our financial situation is the same.  We will be driving our current unreliable car to its grave before purchasing another one, like I had hoped.  I don't get to see my sweetheart any more than usual.  And I'm STILL changing poopy diapers.

I am learning just how influential my attitude is on our entire family.  When I feel good about myself and life in general, everyone around me tends to absorb that positive energy and in turn, they start to feel the same way.

The point is, nothing has changed except MY ATTITUDE!

It's a good good life, when I make it that way!



And because I believe that when others give input, a blog can be beneficial for everyone...especially me:

What do you do to get out of a funk or stay positive and upbeat even when things are tough?