Snap Back to Reality

I was having one of those days...

Twodles, my ever-so-sweet 22 mo. old is developing his own opinions and is VERY willing to let you know if he doesn't want to do something.  Its all about "I do it" or "I not" these days.  Out of sheer desperation of going completely bonkers if I heard "I not" one more time, I taught him to say "no thanks" or in his words "no tanks."  This age is so extremely taxing on my patience and then to add being a pregnant mess on top of it sure makes for just a few runny nosed, mascara shmeared, snort in laughter at how ridiculous I am, sob sessions.

Church the last couple weeks has been somewhat of an embarrassment.  He is quite vocal when he doesn't want to do something, which isn't so great when its supposed to be a quiet place of reflection and worship.  Last Sunday, I was so hot I thought I was going to pass out.  Twodles didn't make things any cooler, insisting that only I hold him, or when he attempted to use my blimp-like body as his personal play place.  Then add a little thing I will forever more think of as pregnant torture...carpal tunnel syndrome!  I felt like Jennifer Garner on Alias being tortured by some KGB member.  I couldn't say or do anything given where I was, but I literally wanted to stand up and run out of the chapel screaming and crying.

I was bombarded by wacky thoughts like, "I can't stand my 'rotten' child right now, I just want him to disappear!"..."My husband has NO IDEA what I am going through!"..."I can't complain because then Mr. Medic will never consent to another child again!"..."I can't do this for 4 more weeks!" (the last one isn't so wacky, its totally legit)  Then just as the service ended and I thought I was spared an embarrassing scene of insanity, I began to bawl!  Darn it all, I couldn't hold it in any longer.

No sooner, I get "the look" from Mr. Medic.  Every woman knows what I'm talking about.  You don't even have to have been pregnant to know.  It comes when any type of unexplained emotion is manifest and he JUST DOESN'T GET IT!  The look of "what on earth is wrong with you, and where is my wife?"  Thankfully "the look" was followed by complete love and compassion.  But you know that didn't matter much, because I felt like a complete mess.  I tried to explain how I was feeling without succumbing to a total fit of hysteria.  But to be honest I was feeling guilty for my wacky thoughts.

After taking the remaining time at church to chill, I came home feeling a bit better.  I was blessed to have my eyes opened to some of the wonderfully cute things that Twodles does and it made me appreciate him, and being a mommy a little better, rather than sulking in pregnant hormonal resentment.

I CAN DO IT!  There is so much good that comes from the hard parts of being a mom.  Here are some of the great things that Twodles is doing that are my tender mercies and snap me back to reality...

Twodles got on a bike kick for a bit there.  I got the idea to teach him to tell Daddy that he wanted a bike.  I quickly changed my tactics and taught him to say "Daddy, I need a bike!"  Twodles recited his line when Daddy got home from work without a problem.  This is what we found, but our little guy is kinda a shrimp and still can't quite reach the ground. 

He's learning all sorts of "boy" things like playing with his "guys" and making what I'm guessing to be shooting noises. (The bandana is compliments of Uncle Kendall.  Twodles loves wearing it.)

Getting in some practice at taking his clothes off all by himself.  I have NO clue how he got this way!

So excited to show me that he put his shoes on all by himself!  

We worked on sorting beans.  He was pretty darn good at it and was excited to say "cheese" for the picture!

Spending time with Daddy just chillin' which doesn't happen too often.

Prime example of  my child's OBSESSION with vacuums!

The SUPER unusual cuddle time with momma!

Working on hand coordination.  

He knows quite a few words.  He gets his smarts from his Daddy.

Again, learning to do "boy" things!

One day I noticed him rolling his arms, and then it clicked that he must have learned it in nursery at church...so cute!  

Waking up from a nap happy!

This one is quite long so I don't blame you if you don't even watch it, but he sure does surprise me with the new words he picks up every time we read together.

I really do love being a momma to this cute little boy, and can't wait to add one more to the bunch.  Mr. Cooper will surly bring more trying times.  But even better, more of those sweet reassurances that all the hard stuff is totally worth it!


SO.....help me out here:

What are some of your tips for dealing with tantrums, keeping your cool when your about to lose it, and ideas to keep kids as reverent as possible during church?  

Its a good good life!

Mr Medic and I found out we will be welcoming another baby BOY into our family.  I'll have to admit, when the tech said it was a boy I was shocked and started to tear up, and not in a happy-feel-good kind of way.  It wasn't as if I was hoping for a girl, even though I kinda thought it might be.  I have always said it would be fun to have two boys first, but I had an instant vision of a repeat of Mr Medic and his older brother...payback style!  They were mischievous little buggers. You know the type, the ones that sabotage innocent babysitters causing them to vow never to return again.  I pictured a bleached blond, gap toothed, sly-smiling Dennis the Menace x2.  OK maybe not that bad, but close.  All the way home I kept saying "I can't believe this is happening!"

I had Mr Medic do the usual belly pictures when we got home from our appointment.  Normally, I can expect him to grumble and fuss because I make him take about 800 pictures of the EXACT SAME THING.  Then I look at them, and ask for 800 more.  I'm a little bit of a freak like that.  I try to explain to him that the "whole world" will be looking at these and picking apart every tiny detail, and unfortunately for me I don't have photoshop to make everything look "naturally" beautiful.

Guess what happened this time?  He was so sweet, he didn't complain or grumble one bit.  He even started teasing saying "work with me...strike a pose...the camera loves you!"  I found myself relaxing, getting into my ANTM groove and even having fun.  As I looked through the 8 (instead of 800) pictures I found something unusual happen.  I turned to Mr. Medic and said "Guess what babe?  I feel pretty...I even kinda like myself!"  He stared at me like I was speaking Klingon or Elvish and asked "For real?"  I replied "YES!"  He then said "I think that is the first time in 4 years of marriage you have said that.  I have tried every day to make you feel that way, and hear you say that."

21 weeks, and feelin' pretty!

We talked about how it COULD have been the fact that I splurged a little at a good sale and bought some maternity clothes.  Initially when I bought the clothes I felt proud of myself for the good deals I got, and was excited to model them for Mr. Medic.  He was excited with me and teased that he hoped the purchases went towards our deductible. But then the guilt set in!  How could I spend money on myself?  Surely I could squeeze into my other clothes, or pull out some old ones from when I weighed a lot more.  I just tried not to think about it after that.

Mr. Medic has even tried to convince me on numerous occasions that it is worth it to him for me spend some extra money to feel pretty and presentable.  I usually try to ignore him because I know it just means more work and sacrifice on his part.  I guess it could kinda be like that phrase "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"  It probably makes a man feel good when he knows his woman is happy and confident.  It's probably way more attractive too.

After the "I feel pretty" moment I realized I wasn't showing how I truly felt in a new outfit because I was to busy feeling guilty for spending the money.  I learned how important it is to verbalize how those splurges really make me feel.  It shows Mr. Medic that I appreciate his hard work.

Now I don't think it was just the clothes that made the difference.  I know that the weight loss prior to getting pregnant played a huge roll too.  But, there is more than just the outward mumbo jumbo!  I have been trying to be more productive in my day.  I make an effort to get out of the house and to the gym, but don't beat myself up when I don't make it.  I turn off the cartoons and spend precious time with Twodles reading books and laughing together.  I work hard to magnify my church duties.  I turn on the tunes and even dance around the house occasionally...I forgot what music can do for me!  I focus on being grateful for what I do have, instead of what I don't...and so much more.

Its not like our circumstances have changed.  Our financial situation is the same.  We will be driving our current unreliable car to its grave before purchasing another one, like I had hoped.  I don't get to see my sweetheart any more than usual.  And I'm STILL changing poopy diapers.

I am learning just how influential my attitude is on our entire family.  When I feel good about myself and life in general, everyone around me tends to absorb that positive energy and in turn, they start to feel the same way.

The point is, nothing has changed except MY ATTITUDE!

It's a good good life, when I make it that way!



And because I believe that when others give input, a blog can be beneficial for everyone...especially me:

What do you do to get out of a funk or stay positive and upbeat even when things are tough?