Necessity Breeds Invention

This is a gloat post, so discontinue reading if you don't feel like hearing about how awesome I've done at not wasting food.

While we have been so blessed in our transition to Rochester, there have been some pretty heavy challenges already. We still have not got any school loans which is our only source of "income" for the next 5 years. Every day, the first thing I should do as Mr Medic walks through the door ought to be to greet him with a welcome-to-our-immaculately-clean-calm-always-cheery-home kiss, but I usually ask about the cash first. I'm terrible, I know. The fun doesn't end there.

Throughout the interview/admissions process we were made to understand that there were many resources and funding available (grad loans can be as much at $100,000, it's just up to the school on what they actually disburse) Each school has their own estimate on the cost of living for a student, and that determines what you get. UofR only has one cost of living estimate, and it just so happens to be for a single student (nothing for students with dependents) Therefore the school basically approved Mr Medic for an amount that completely and utterly ignores mine and the boys very existence! 

We've been in 100% panic mode and exploring all our options on how to meet even our basic needs. There are still no solutions yet, but we are determined to be optimistic and trust that the Lord brought us here for a reason, and that He will take care of us just like He always has!

Seeing as money is tighter than the lips of a prude schoolgirl it's pretty clear that we have either stooped to an all time low, or are just being super frugal, however you want to look at it. 

Exhibit A:

Mr Medic would never touch the boys gnawed on food remains from meals with a ten-foot pole. I on the other hand have always been the one to "take one for the team" and it's never really been my pleasure. It's just what we mommas gotta do. For a while now, I have seen Mr Medic willingly take the scraps so as not to waste. I know how much he detests that, but I also know that he wants to do his part to save money. May seem silly, but I think it's quite admirable myself!

Exhibit B:

I rarely enjoy eating leftovers. It's gotta meet certain criteria for me to re-heat and eat something from the fridge. First, I am 100% convinced that meat, especially chicken, tastes funky after it's been nuked. Totally grosses me out. Also, I usually have myself convinced that it's already "gone bad" when clearly it hasn't. 

Anyway, I have been working really hard to not let the leftovers go to waste. Whether that means I make much less so we don't have to put anything in the fridge, remember to send it with Mr Medic for lunch, offer it to the boys for numerous meals, eat it myself, or recreate it into something new.

I can honestly say that I have only thrown away 3 pieces of produce since we moved here. I didn't get to the food in time since the Public Market produce has a shorter shelf life than the supermarket,. Something I didn't know beforehand. 

Tonights dinner was no exception. I offered the boys sauerkraut and wieners, one of their all-time favorite sloth (aka paternal family) dishes. They've eaten that up like champs for several meals over the last few days. I really wanted chicken pot pies, which I'd made earlier in the week, but I wasn't up to making more crust, yet I was determined to use it up. I texted Mr Medic to give him the option of sauerkraut and wieners or a creamy soup I'd make out of the extra pot pie filling. I knew what he would choose before I even asked, but I thought I'd let him think he had a choice anyway. 

Needless to say I thinned out the filing with just water (hello...it's FREE! Well....sorta. I guess I pay that bill too now!) and had myself this delicious creamy soup! Mr Medic got the short end of the stick for sure...

I sincerely consider being more conscious of food and making it last or not wasting it a blessing from Heavenly Father.

Necessity truly does breed invention, and this invention while not brilliant was delicious! 

Here are my recipes:

FLAKEY PIE CRUST 

Combine-

1/3 C Milk 

1tsp Vinager

This is a way to make your own buttermilk.  The vinager will start to curdle the milk, wait till it thickens some. 

Combine-

2 C Flour

1 tsp Salt

Then add 1 C Crisco ( I like the butter flavor kind) using a pastry cutter ONLY UNTIL SLIGHTLY BLENDED.

Pour "Buttermilk" into flour mixture and mix, but don't overdo it.  

Form two balls (one for top and one for bottom, or save some for later) I find it easiest to refrigerate them for 30 min to 1 hr.

Roll out and use for any pie.  For pre-baked crust bake at 450 for 10-12 mins.

POT PIE RECIPE:

1/3 C       Butter

1/3 C       Onions, Diced

1/3 C       Flour

1/2 tsp    Salt

1/4 tsp    Pepper

1 1/2 C   Chicken Broth

2/3 C       Milk

1 1/2 C    Shredded Chicken

2 C          Mixed Veggies, Chopped (fresh or frozen. I even like to add a baked potato cut into cubes to this...yum!)

Heat oven to 425, place first pie crust into pie pan.

Melt butter in sauce pan over medium heat, add onion, cook 2 min until tender. add flour salt and pepper, stir until well blended.

Gradually stir in broth and milk cooking and stirring until bubbly and thick.

Stir in chicken and mixed veggies, spoon into crust. Top with second crust seal and flute edges, cut slits in top to let out steam.

Bake for 30 min or until golden.

ENOJY

Fortified

We always keep a budget, some months more loosely than we should, but we still try to keep tabs on what is coming in and what is going out.  That said, July was a wretched month.  With two birthday's and summer fun, our expenses were far more than necessary.  Mr Medic and I have spent the entire month of August buckling down and practicing self control.  It's been such a rewarding experience, and quite exhilarating too.  There's just something about making a plan and sticking with it.  It almost makes me feel superhuman when I can accomplish what I set out to do.  I'm proud to say August was much better for us.

I'm going to throw us under the bus to show that improvement is possible, but no judging k?

In the month of July we ate out or got treats 20 TIMES.  That's almost once a day folks!  As I went through the bank statement and counted it all up, I felt sick.  I had no idea we were spending that much time outside of the home eating.  I knew it wasn't good, but not that bad.  In my defense I do have a pretty full plate with other responsibilities, so it's been easy to let the meal-making responsibility slip and go the quick and easy route.  But, enough of the excuses.

At the beginning of August after we'd bought a Hot n' Ready Pizza on a busy night, we decided that we were not going to eat out at all.  So, along with that one Hot n' Ready and one other treat Mr Medic had with the boys (paid for with money I got from selling something) we ate out a total of 2 times.  That's a 90% improvement from last month.  Not only is that money saved, but I was able to make meals that were definitely more healthy.

Along with our budgeting goals, I've been working hard at my own weight loss goals.  From all this recent practice making and achieving goals, I've had time to really think about why it is so satisfying to me.  I came across a couple scriptures that made sense to me:

"He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls."  -Proverbs 25:28

When I don't work to control my actions it's like having no protection when and where I need it.   But, governing my natural desires builds self control and strengthens my ability to withstand difficult or harmful experiences.

This is an example of a city(spirit, in my case) that does have walls and is fortified

"Yea, he had been strengthening the armies of the Nephites, and erecting small forts, or places of resort; throwing up banks of earth round about to enclose his armies, and also building walls of stone to encircle them about, round about their cities and the borders of their lands; yea, all round about the land.  And in their weakest fortifications he did place the greater number of men; and thus he did fortify and strehgthen the land with was possessed by the Nephites.  And thus he was preparing to support their liberty, their lands, their wives, and their children, and their peace, and that they might live unto the Lord their God..."  -Alma 48:8-10 (The Book of Mormon)

Having self restraint or 'ruling your own spirit' provides protection and ironically liberty.  The equation control = liberty doesn't make sense, but I know that it works.  I like how it said that the most support was placed at the weakest places.  Wherever it is that I am weakest requires to most effort to fortify or control.

It's been so rewarding to be more in control of myself and I'm grateful for the strength I've gained.

It's all about the Benjamin's

Recently a friend asked how I  decide what to spend money on especially when we have school debt.  I'm so glad they felt comfortable to ask a personal question because had they not, I wouldn't have the opportunity to reflect on the question even after I answered it.

Initially I gave one main reason.

Sharpening the saw, a phrase used in the book "7 Habits for Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey, teaches us that if we take the time to care for ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally/socially, and spiritually we will be more effective individuals.

This idea definitely dictates how I choose to spend my money.  For instance, when I know I'm at my whits end with children, housewife duties, or other responsibilities, you better believe I'm going to "invest" money in myself in one way or another so that I can jump back in head first, ready to tackle what I need to.

I see it as a form of health insurance.  It has become more common for people to need medication to function from day to day.  I'm not saying medicating is bad, it's not, I've just found other ways to function.  "Me time" is my medication.  That means I spend money to purchase craft supplies to feed my innate need to create, BUNCO prizes to participate in a monthly get together with other ladies, manicures at the local beauty school, and so on.

I always come away from "me time" feeling ready to tackle my "must do's" and seem to be more productive too.  Simply said investing money in myself makes me last longer.

Image Source 

I also think that it is super easy to become so wrapped up in being frugal that I miss out on creating great relationships and memories.  It is certainly possible to spend little if any money to create memories and strengthen relationships, but occasionally doing something special that costs more than you might normally spend can be a nice thing.

Anyway, I kept thinking and thinking about how people spend their money.  It's clear that everyone does it differently.  What we think to be a perfectly legitimate purchase, one we've carefully considered and determined to be worthwhile, may be frivolous and extravagant to another person.  We all evaluate our needs and wants differently.  What we consider a "good value" might be not be to others.

There have been numerous times when friends or family don't want to do an activity or eat out where we planned because they can't afford it, but will later spend money on gas to go on trips, purchase electronics, go on shopping sprees etc.  To me, it's not always an issue "we can't afford it" but rather an issue of priority.  Like I said before, everyone spends differently, and that's ok.

Occasionally the "we can't afford it" phrase does make for an awkward moment.  In my mind, the person may as well be saying "I can't believe you are spending your money on THAT!" It makes me think I'm somehow not as frugal or wise in my spending as the other person.  I know that's not the case,  just how I perceive it...probably out of guilt ;)

I too have been that person who says "we can't afford it" but I think I may just start to say "we are saving our money for something else right now" so as to avoid unwanted awkwardness.

In the end, to each their own.  It's not my place to judge what anyone does with their hard earned money, but to live in a way that honestly represents what I believe in- frugality and self-reliance.

A Tough Commitment to Keep

While I'm being open and honest, here is one of the many other things that has been on my mind while preparing for #2:

THE "GOLDEN" AGE OF ENTITLEMENT

My amazing mother was a single parent most of my childhood and still is. She worked her tail off for years trying to provide even the basic necessities for her three children - all to her mental and physical detriment. To this day her dedication and persistence amazes me.

As much as my mom continued to work, our needs were not met. And, like many single parents she sought government assistance. I grew up on food stamps and Medicaid and I didn't know any different. I know that my mother truly did her very most to provide, and did what was necessary to care for us.

Once I was engaged, those ever important conversations of morals, values, and ideals were laid on the table. I strongly recommend to those who are engaged, or any couple for that matter, to sit down together and talk about your opinions and beliefs about a variety of topics. You may think that you and your significant other are on the same page, but you may also be very surprised! Upon doing this myself, I was not surprised or concerned, per se, but was given a new perspective on the idea of self-reliance.

We were not faced with such pertinent self-reliant decisions until I was actually pregnant with Twodles. Now the norm for my area is this: get pregnant, drive a couple minutes to the department of health and welfare, apply for Medicaid, WIC, and usually food stamps. It's not even a question really. This way of thinking is what we have come to know as "The 'Golden' Age of Entitlement." I overheard a girl once having a phone conversation in between classes that went something like this: "I'm so excited you are pregnant...I'll take you to get signed up for Medicaid!" She didn't say anything like "Do you have health insurance?" or "Have you started a new budget to be able to pay for medical bills and a baby?"

Now here's where I share what I believe. I know it may be different from what you believe, but I remind you that these are MY THOUGHTS AND WORRIES.

Mr. Medic and I made the decision that if we wanted to have children, we were going to be responsible for the cost of bringing them into the world and providing their needs throughout their life. We also feel that it would not be honest to accept certain forms of government assistance when at least one of us is perfectly capable of working to provide for our needs.

I believe that government aid, a "saving grace," is intended for unique situations including: single parent homes like my mother's, those with immense unforeseen or catastrophic medical emergencies, and those who simply cannot make ends meet "after all [they] can do." (The Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 25:23)  For instance, a couple CHOOSES to have children. They should plan, save, and budget to be prepared for the financial burden. They cannot, however, plan for the enormous unforeseen medical expenses that a less-than-healthy newborn may easily acquire. I also believe that it is dishonest to hide income by "gifting" family members your savings in order to qualify for government aid. For that matter, any act that is done with the intent to deceive is wrong.

As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World :

First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days
 Saints at time of publishing of Proclamation.

"By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed." (bold added)

First, I want to point out that it says that circumstances may necessitate a shift in responsibilities. This means that my mom, who had to work my whole life, is not condemned for doing so. Next, it states that fathers are responsible to provide the necessities of life. Finally, extended families should lend support when needed.

From this statement, along with many others* given by Prophets and church leaders, we (as a couple) believe that it is ultimately our responsibility to take care of the needs of our children. Is this an easy task? HEAVEN'S NO!

Now here is my constant worry, the battle in my own head, while we prepare for #2...

It is so hard, that some days I just wish I could do what "everyone else" is doing and march my fanny down to the welfare office and sign up for any aid available. Then my worries would be gone! I know ALL my worries would not be gone, but imagine not having to stress about paying for medical bills, food, or most of your housing. That's a lot less worrying!

Do I REALLY want to be in debt once again from having another child, when we JUST got #1 paid off? And then to have to watch my husband work so hard to repay those debts, all while feeling like a single mother most of the time?

I begin to feel guilty for questioning our original commitment to be self-reliant. I have to fight back feelings of resentment towards others around me who "take the easier road," some who have no clue what it's like to try to stick with a commitment - a commitment that you wholeheartedly believe is God's will. I feel guilty that my husband is really the one with all the weight on his shoulders, and I'm the one complaining. I want to help him. I want to relieve that burden, and the only way that seems realistic is to do something that we chose not to do so long ago. How dare I want to turn back or give up now!

Some may feel that it is utterly impossible to have children or provide for a family while being a student on a small income, but we are living proof that IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE...dang hard...BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE!

To really explain how we do it would be a novel. So in a nutshell, here's how:


Mr. Medic, bless him, I could cry just writing about his sacrifices...goes to bed so early that I put both "my boys" to bed at the same time, just so he can wake up almost every morning between 4 and 5 a.m. to study. This enables him to receive scholarships every semester he goes to school. Then while taking classes full-time, he spends most every other waking moment working any job he can. There have been semesters when he has held three jobs at one time. Sounds fun right? Most of the time not so much.  I will say that I cannot remember a single utterance about the situation being unfair coming from Mr. Medic's mouth.  I usually take care of that.

Tired Paramedic Daddy

" BYU-I Paramedic of the Year"

Hot Firefighter Husband

We also live on financial aid and the occasional student loan.  We choose a student loan over government assistance because we are held responsible to repay it.

The things that I personally do to help make ends meet:

1. Maintain a clean and organized home, as to provide a less stressful environment for my already over-stressed husband.

2. Keep a tight budget. (Man, that takes so much time and effort. Plus I'm not good at math!)

3. Couponing...it really can save you a lot of money!


When all is said and done I see this face...

and get to witness sweet moments like this...

Twodles and Daddy looking for a lost car

It makes everything so much more bearable and VERY worth all my struggles and moments of doubt!

DISCLAIMER:  I have many acquaintances and close friends who have chosen a different way, who probably don't feel the same as I do. AND THAT'S OKAY!  I just need a place to be honest. I need a place where my thoughts may be considered by others. I need a place where others can share their thoughts as well, and hopefully help me to be more sympathetic to those that have chosen to take "the easier road."

*applicable information begins around paragraph 21/22 and on.  

I am not ashamed

It's risky business sharing your personal thoughts and opinions. You're always liable to rub someone the wrong way.  But my previous post stated that I had some things on my mind that kept me from announcing our 2nd baby on the way, so here goes nothin'!

FERTILITY & FAMILY PLANNING 

Just as a little background, because I haven't given any info about us yet...Mr Medic and I were sealed* in the Rexburg Idaho LDS Temple on March 1, 2008.  It was one the the best moments of my life.

Within weeks of our special day and after much thought and prayer, we decided to try for a little babe.  Some may think we are crazy, or you might feel like my mother who firmly believes a couple should have at least one year together prior to children. We already knew I may have some difficulties being able to get pregnant, so why prolong the waiting when it could be a long process?  

Eventually after no luck on our own, we started basic fertility testing.  It's a weird thing waiting for test results.  It's as if you want them to find something wrong, at least that way they can try to fix it.  But when test after test comes back basically normal, you start to lose hope.  It got to the point where my OB could only do one more test before referring us to a fertility specialist.  That was a scary thought.  We couldn't help but worry about how much more that would cost.  I mean having a baby is expensive enough, to then add fertility treatments on top of that.  

We started to question our desires.  Our church teaches that we should avoid excessive debt with the exception of a few essential things, but we also believe that the commandment given to Adam and Eve to "multiply and replenish the earth" still applies to us.  We continually prayed that we would be able to bring a child into the world.  One day I wondered was I really praying for the best thing.  I mean, it wasn't like I was asking for something selfish or unreasonable.  I just wanted to do what Heavenly Father wanted me to do.  So one night instead of praying that I would get pregnant, I asked that I would accept the Lord's will, whatever it was.  

Not soon after that experience, we found out I was FINALLY pregnant.   It was again one of the greatest moments of my life. I couldn't even believe that it was actually real...that I was pregnant! 

At that point it had been over 1.5 years of trying.  I know there are people that will read this that waited MUCH longer or are STILL waiting, and that 1.5 years seems like nothing.  But I firmly believe that when a person has a sincere desire, any amount of waiting is a long time.  

In preparing for #2 we had a lot to think about. First we had to take into account some of my own health issues.  Yes, I'm super cool and was born with only one kidney, which was something I didn't find out until after having Twodles.  Maybe that lone kidney was the culprit behind me having to sport these little beauties for so long while I was pregnant...

If this isn't good birth control, I don't know what is!

Once we were more informed of my health issues, and were given the ok to try again, we assumed that it would again be a long time before I got pregnant.  So its back to the same question: do we wait the "normal" amount of time between kids to start trying, and then have a long time before we even get pregnant?  At that rate, I would be 90 before I had all 6-8 kids I think I want to have!  I was also concerned that people would think I was wrong for having children closer together, or that Twodles would miss out on precious one on one time.  We were also trying to time it right with school, health insurance, and all of that other stuff that makes paying for a baby an issue.  I have no clue why it happened the way it did this time, but I got pregnant immediately!

We weren't expecting that to happen and all of a sudden I felt unprepared!  I was excited but nervous too.  What about all the people who aren't having the same luck that I am?  Its not fair to celebrate my joys when I know others are suffering.

The point is...it's very important to be sensitive of others.  It is an emotional and heartbreaking thing to want to have children and not be able to.  At the same time we shouldn't hide our own joys.  Its important to show gratitude for our blessings, and one way to show gratitude is to be excited and happy.  A person could be as sensitive as possible about fertility, or any matter, but still offend another person.  But that person chooses to be offended.  It is possible to be happy for other people without invalidating your own sadness.  I went to many baby showers while trying to get pregnant the first time.  I was still happy for them even though it wasn't me that was getting the shower.  Was I sad that it wasn't me?  YES, but does that mean that everyone else around me has to be sad too?  NO.

Find joy in your successes and blessings, don't be afraid to verbalize your gratitude for those blessings.  And at the same time, be mindful of those around you.  Be sensitive and respectful.  You never know the silent battles another person is facing.

I am constantly learning the same lesson over and over:  my decisions are between me, Mr. Medic, and most importantly, the Lord.  I am a visual person so here's my little equation to help keep it in my thick skull.  Feel free to use my template to make your own!  hahaha  jk

   

++


I know that I will do what is right for our family if I follow that equation.  Every family is different too.  One family may find they need more time as a couple before having children, or that more space in between children is essential for their sanity! Whatever the choice, it should be an educated and prayerful one. You can't go wrong that way!  Then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or believes!

Be brave, share your feelings about what I have written.  I won't hate!  We all need to hear what it is like to not be able to have babies, being scared of sharing your happiness, or the trials that come with family planning.  What have you done to overcome your hardships and turn them into strengths?

*Following this link will take you to a section titled "Our Members" In that section you will find the topic "Blessings of Temples"