Safe...Or So I Thought

I was reminded of something that really set me off a while back.  

My family went to the movie theater about a month ago for the PTO summer movie program.  As the lights dimmed, we sat munching on buttery popcorn anticipating all the new movie trailers.  This was like any other trip we've made to the theater, until this trailer came on-

For a split second I was unable to register what had happened, but as my boggled mind caught up to itself I literally gasped and became very unsettled.  

Now you might think I'm about to go on a rampage about anti-gay marriage, but that's an entirely different discussion that will be left untouched for now.

What was so appalling was the fact that in an instant, we lost the ability to choose when and how we would talk to our son about the topic.  Twodles is 3 for heaven sake and it's downright repulsive that not even he is safe from such political propaganda.  His little mind need not be troubled or perplexed over such controversy.

You might be thinking "it was so subtle there's no way he'd remember that" but I beg to differ.  He, like most young minds grasp on to everything the moment it is placed before them.  I can't help but think this was exactly what the creators of this film intended.

We came to realize long ago that we cannot trust the media.  This lifestyle has been so forcefully thrown into almost every form of entertainment, that we simply don't watch/read/listen to much of anything anymore.

I know there will come a time when we will have to talk to our boys about such topics, but as parents we will be the ones to determine the appropriate time and place.  

Free to Choose = Self Control

Who would have thought that my ability to choose will eventually teach me self control! Those two words, choice and control, don't seem to be related, but they are.

We've had a pretty good amount of focus made on addiction, specifically pornography in our church congregation lately.  I was asked to give a lesson on it (warning signs, prevention, etc) which provided me an opportunity do to a lot of research.  During my study, I came across one source that gave this list as signs of digital overload:

10 Signs of Digital Overload

1. Slipping away from activities with people to check e-mail or social networking sites.
2. Checking the same sites repeatedly within a short period of time.
3. Spending little time outside.
4. Finding it hard to complete a task such as writing a report without frequently breaking away to check e-mail or unrelated websites.
5. Spending little time in face-to-face interactions with friends.
6. Going online or using a digital device when you feel stressed or want to avoid an unpleasant task.
7. Family members spending most of their time at home in separate rooms interacting with screens.
8. Frequently using digital devices to entertain a child instead of talking, singing, playing, or reading with him or her.
9. Checking the computer first thing in the morning, or getting up during the night to use digital devices.
   
   
10. Spending long stretches of time surfing for content, often viewing content that is inappropriate or borderline.

I don't think any person can read this list without identifying with at least one of these, even if just partially.  While this list may be related to signs of a pornography addiction, I viewed it in the way the title suggests...DIGITAL OVERLOAD.

As I completed preparations for the lesson I was to give, and finally shared it with other women at church, this bit of information continued to linger in my mind.  It's only obvious why.  I will be the first to admit that I am overloaded digitally.  

At the time, I committed right away to cutting back.  Thankfully, the same source didn't leave me hangin'...they gave another list on ways to cut back:

10 Ways to Cut Back

1. Check and answer e-mail only once or twice a day, at scheduled times.
2. Use social networking sites only at scheduled times and for a set number of minutes.
3. Practice a “digital Sabbath”—setting aside one or two days each week to “unplug.”
4. Leave your cell phone in another room during time with family or friends.
5. Call instead of texting.
6. Invite children to help search the house for supplies that can be used in nondigital activities: children’s books, board games, art supplies, and equipment for outside play.
7. Organize a talent show, art show, or service project with family or friends.
8. Use Internet-blocking software to keep on task while working.
9. Limit recreational surfing; watch TV and videos selectively and intentionally.
10. Keep a gospel-centered perspective, using technology to uplift yourself and people around you.

I decided to focus on #2 and #3.  Things were going great!  I felt more productive, granted I think I manage most things fairly decent already.  I keep a tidy house (notice I didn't say clean...don't look too close or you'll see I haven't cleaned my tub in a while) and maintain other responsibilities pretty well too.  What I mean is, I don't think I am overly neglectful, but I did notice an increase in meaningful one on one activities with each of my boys.  

I'd say I made it about 2 weeks with more structured online time and none on Sunday, but then I got reeled right back in. I won't bore you with the details of how, but that initially I was trying to help someone out, and be thrifty at the same time (both good things right?)  I told myself once this little "project" was done I would go right back to the structure that I enjoyed.  You see, it started out innocent, but then it became so easy to justify a little more digital time.

So here I am several weeks after my project ended and I'm finding it hard to cut back

I will never be that person who deactivates accounts (FB, just so we're all on the same page).  Here's why:

• Not only does it seem extreme, but I believe I will benefit more as an individual and develop stronger character by learning self control.  Moderation in all things is key.  Besides, doesn't it sounds like what Satan wanted to do in the beginning?  He wanted to take away peoples agency and make them follow God. If I remove the "problem" completely then I have no choice, no opportunity to practice self control, and inevitably lose the good that can come from it when used in moderation.  

• Good can come from digital resources.  Some of the positive ways I choose to utilize them include:  sharing what I know about Jesus Christ and His Gospel, recounting fun and exciting things about being a mom which helps me look on the bright side when mommying gets tough, and nourishing important  family relationships of those who are not near me.  

• I have been able to keep tabs on ladies in my church congregation.  This has proven very helpful time and time again as I have a responsibility to make sure each woman in my church has their needs met.  It is next to impossible to know every woman's needs, the trials she is facing, or even her triumphs.  A simple Facbook status update can tell me when someone is sick, struggling to make it through school, or just needs a little pick-me-up.

This is where I say how I'm going to get back to where I was in moderating my media use...the thing is, I can't really say.  I keep putting it of for a "better" day, but I've decided that now is the time!  

In the midst of writing this I have successfully completely my second go around, first digital sabbath from FB.  I've filled my day with wonderful things to do and I can't wait till tomorrow when I can practice self control.

Along with a few other stipulations I won't bore you with, I have decided for now to restrict myself to use FB only when both boys are napping.  The catch is, there is always a million things I would like to do or need to do during that time.  I'm going to have to decide what is most important, tackle what I need to do first, and then if there is time left over; I can relax and veg however I choose.  

Here's to some progress on the self control voyage! 

 What have you found helpful in moderating your digital time...or anything for that matter?

I WILL

Yesterday Mr Medic was telling me of a conversation he had with a co-worker.  He asked her how being newly married was.  She blew it off saying "it's the same as being single"  They talked about how her husband often had single friends over to play video games and whatnot.

Although Mr Medic has always enjoyed some video gaming with his buddies, he committed before he even came home from his mission, or started dating me, that he would not play them again.  He was wise enough to know that they can become very addicting and all consuming.

Of this I am very thankful.

As a matter of fact, I never have to worry about competing with the TV in any way.  Mr Medic doesn't even watch sports!  I won't ever have to try to explain to my kids why they don't watch movies or TV on Sundays, but daddy can watch the Super Bowl.

What a great guy I have!  He is the perfect example of what I have always dreamed to have as a spouse and father to my children.  (all except for the nerdy-ness, but even that I have come to cherish)

Recently I had a friend ask how I regulate my time with different media forms (FB and blogging, most specifically)  I replied that I was the wrong person to ask because I spend a lot more time than most.

Here is me justifying time spent:

-For quite some time FB was the prime way for me to more fully serve in my church callings.  It's just so quick to correspond with more than one person at a time to coordinate plans.

-I am able to stay in contact with some of my most special friends.  I had the pleasure of making my roommates my family.  They are who helped me to develop better character, grow my testimony, and learn to have healthy relationships.  I love to see how each of them are doing, since everyone is no longer near me.

This is not even all of my girls...love you all so much!

-I love to share with others what is going on in my life.

-Its great to get immediate feedback on all of my parenting questions from people I know and trust.

-Blogging provides a way for me to remember things.  I suffer from mom brain.  Did you know it is a real disease?

-I find joy in documenting the sweet, and sometimes not so sweet things my boys are doing, the lessons I am learning, and fun family moments.

-I do not have a messy home, my children are cared for and given attention, and I keep up with my commitments to others.  Therefore, I can't possibly be online too much right?

BUT, you know its time for a change when...

-A long lost friend calls and says "I'm so glad you are a FB junkie, because I feel like I know what is going on in your life

-Someone comments on your wall "just so you know, you haven't posted in two day.  Where are you?"

-You read a friends blog explaining why the have deleted their FB and think to yourself "I don't have to do that, I'm not going overboard."

-Your own mother has been dropping hints forever (I bet she is thinking "I told you so" like moms do)

All this being said, the recent reminder of the sacrifices Mr Medic makes to give his full attention to his family was the icing on the cake.

I would not go so far as to say that I will never participate in these activities again, because they do provide some sanity.  Nor will I set time limits.

Here's what I will do:

-I will simply strive to meet my personal spiritual needs first, which include time reading the Bible and Book of Mormon and individual meditation and prayer.

-I will continue to meet the needs of my family.

-I will be working to introduce my sweet Twodles to the world of more formal learning.  He is so smart already, but we will venture into colors, numbers, letters and the like.

-I will soak up the time I have to be with my sweet companion.  It doesn't happen often.  In fact, I think this is the first time Mr Medic isn't in classes, so I want to give him some more of the same undivided attention that he gives us!