February 15, 2013

"True Love" Only Takes 5 Year

Love takes work.  In our case, time and communication

I just found this post that never got published, written almost 1 year ago:

My family always tried to make a big deal over birthdays and special holidays.  Even if we had nothing, we sacrificed to get a super nice present for whomever the lucky person was.  It was a time to spoil someone who rarely received anything.   Gift giving was huge.  I don't really know why.  I mean, we understood that presents weren't everything, and it's the thought that counts.  Anyway, Mr. Medic didn't grown up that way.

Bring these two paradigms together and what do you get?  Unmet expectations!  And you can bet almost 100% of the time it's my expectations that aren't being met.  Let's take Valentine's Day for example...here's how it usually plays out:

In the fantastical oooey-gooey-chick-flick part of my mind I think to myself "self, wouldn't it be so cute and romantic if Mr Medic surprised me with gorgeous flowers and breakfast in bed...an announcement in the local paper professing his undying love...a horse drawn carriage ride through the bustling streets so everyone can gawk and be totally jealous?"  Come on, a girl can fantasize right?!  Sometimes I don't even have a specific idea in mind.  I think the surprise of anything he were to come up with that is thoughtful and caring would be amazing.  I don't want to have to spell it out for him.  I want the grand idea to come from his own genius noggin.  

I'll set these fantasies aside hoping he'll magically obtain some mind reading super power, and go about doing my best to make it a special day for him.  I heart attack his study area, concoct heart shaped food items, make a card and write a sweet love note.  (In MY defense I have been learning to tone my spending down quite a bit by finding things I can make, given the current poor-college-student lifestyle.)

Not to throw him under the bus, but from what I can recall Mr Medic hasn't done anything for the last few V Day's.  I know he loves me, and I don't need a cheesy card to tell me that, but it is nice.  (Now in HIS defense, he has learned to do very well for Christmas gift giving.  He goes all year asking for a couple bucks cash back when he does the shopping or stows away any loose change he has, and will get me something super amazing.)

So alas, I'm usually left feeling gypped, and Mr Medic feeling like a loser.  I pout, and he feels frustrated that he doesn't know what to do because nothing ever seems good enough for me.

Now here we are almost one year later-today (2-14-13):

I am proud to say that today was the best Valentines we have shared thus far.  Why? Because I got over my fantasy of Mr Medic reading my mind and told the poor boy exactly what I wanted.

A few days ago I let him know that I really wanted chocolate covered strawberries for Valentines Day. We openly acknowledged (aka communicated with each other ) the monumental event (me telling him my expectations) and how I also succumbed to not wasting my time or our money on much for him, because he doesn't really care.

Here's how the day played out because of that-

I woke up to Twodles saying "we're makin' bre-fast for ya mom!"  which was a delicious sausage egg mcmuffin...heart shaped of course.

Later, I quickly whipped up a little card for Mr Medic (thank you Pinterest) and paired it with one of his favorite candies from the grocery store.

He came home from classes and errands with 2 white roses (one from him and one from Twodles and Goob) I like to pretend I don't like flowers because they just die, but really what girl doesn't like a pretty flower?
He said he picked white because they looked cool.  I'd like to think it represents my purity!  hahaha
He also picked out the best extra dark chocolate and hand dipped some strawberries for me which we all devoured.

I am so glad that I just opened my mouth and told him what I wanted.  Instead of being crabby that my expectations weren't met, I was happy and even noticed the littlest things that make me love my forever valentine so much....

-he picked all the cheese off 3 pieces of pizza and carefully placed all the toppings back on, just so I could enjoy dinner dairy free
-took interest in the things that I enjoy, without being prompted

-he did all the dishes AND made the dessert I've been digging lately >>> (thanks Kristina, find her recipe here)

-he helped me make the day special for a few others, without complaint <<<<

I'm only regretting one thing today- that I didn't tell him what I expected or wanted a long time ago!


  1. Seriously! I think telling them what you want is so essential! They totally aren't mind readers. :) I even tell Wesley how I want to be told something. Haha! For example I will say, can you tell me you love me right now? And he will say, "I do really love you!" And I'll say, no, I just want you to say "I love you!" :) I think whenever you really do have something you want and you don't express it to them, you will always end up being disappointed. I'm super happy you had such a good Valentines day!

    1. I caught on to the "can you tell me..." thing quite a bit sooner, thankfully. Mine usually sounds like "can you tell me everything is going to be OK?" hahahaha

    2. This is Heidi and I exactly backwards; except I haven't reigned in my desire to spend. I come up with crazy out-of-this-world ideas in my head that I want her to get for me and they just don't happen. It's not her fault most of the time. How can you expect that from anyone? I sure do love it when she tries though, even if she falls miserabley short.

      On the flip side I find it just as hard to fulfill her love tank though. This is not always a guy girl difference so I hope that you don't peg me for that. It is a Andrew-Heidi difference. Someday I will get it right and in that moment I will probably spend less money. I am just grateful knowing that other people feel these same frustrations.

      Last thought - my wife gace me a wonderful surprise this morning that I will cherish for a long time. It was a very personal and real gift. Love my wife.

    3. I love the "love tank" phrase. We all need to have our tank filled. When its running low we start to sputter and not perform as well as we could. I think it will be an eternity long process learning how to fill each others tanks in just the way that is needed. I feel like 'The Five Love Languages' might be a good one for us to brush up on.